| 5 minutes later. |
[Jul. 23rd, 2005|09:58 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | something - the beatles | ] |
five minutes from my last posting.
well cait is coming over. which is swell. and i guess im doing good now.
as long as he doesnt call or remeber my "promise"
oh wow. five minute after thoughts are just as immature as the actual entry |
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| for you or for me? touche. |
[Jul. 23rd, 2005|09:41 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | confusedish | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the ramblings of saturday morning cartoons | ] |
well yes. it seems that he likes me. loves me is more like it. stalks me is closer to the fact. not exactly how i wanted to start a school year with a friend. or a summer. seeing as we live close. maybe if thoughts were meant to connect, it would be ok. but its not. im confused about everything. buts thats ok. for now at least. he left me 16 texts. im thinking of shutting my phone off so he wont call again.
but they say he does this to every girl.
so why doesnt he stop?
why can't he choose one girl at a time.
so i get a day off?
it hurts to have a friend then break it. but seeing him is the last thing i want to do. but i promised. i promised to be with him today. to "hang out" with him. whats my problem? i refuse to be alone with him
"hello, glad we're friends, now do you mind if i attempt to rape you?"
oh i think not.
its more of i need to hand out invitations for people to touch me. its kind of a phobia. its not good. not healthy really. but anything to stop using the excuse "sorry, but i have to babysit".
but there are two ends to the spectrum. i love him but i hate him. i love that we talk. but i hate what happens after he realizes it. i hate his love. i love his hate. god why cant he just hate me.
"hello nice to meet you, can i use you?"
gladly. |
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| today. and probably forever |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|07:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | kelly clarkson is stuck in my head | ] |
well today alex came by with Igor and Andrew. I havent really talked to either of them much, but i have nothing againts them. Well, then we were walking downtown [which i was not aware of] and we walked by Bill's and inside sat Mike and Kevin. Well i hadnt seen Kevin in a while, but it seems that now, everyone hates him. Which i feel is sad becsaue he has done nothing to me to make me feel that way towards him. [im not too judgemental, but i wont say that i dont judge] well anyways, we went to center school [Me, Alex, Mike, Igor, Kevin, and Andrew] and then we went EXTREME hiking in the woods [no drugs involved]. I wasnt really as much into the extreme hiking, but i did partake in the killing of the blood-sucking insects that were everso abundant. Mike got mad becusae i wasnt in the EXTREME mood. I said i was tired. Now thats not tired, thats just not participating on my part. But what can I say? Its sort of a personality that I've grown into. Well then after, we went on the swings. And then we walked down to the drug store to get drinks...AND KELLI was with her family and neighbors getting food at this new place up the street. I was happy to see her. I'd called her before to see if she wanted to hang out. [but thats not important] Well then we all decided to go to my pool and swim. So me and alex walked back becaseu she lives really near me and we cleaned the pool. And then they all came and swam. To sum it up, here are pretty much the highlights, im not goint to lie to you, this was exactly how it was:
1. Igor pushed Mike in, consequently destroying his cellphone.
2. Mike was really clingy on me, and frankly i wasnt too happy. I really get antsy when im touched and dont want to be [but isnt that normal]
3. I tried to stop him but he was like GRABBING me.
4. I'm not a #####. Im not at all actually, which i take pride in. I even wore clothes over my bathing suit
5. Alex and Andrew were floating together and talking. Which is good, because I really want her to become interested in a guy that will treat her right and be good to her.
6. Alex had to leave, luckily only for 30 minutes and came back with 10 year old Sam.
7. Sam jumped in wearing all his clothes [including red converse]
who knew they made converse that small? |
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| bored |
[Jul. 12th, 2005|12:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Ben Kweller | ] |
i dont know what to do today. i am quite bored. im sick of people talking about my relationship with them as "friendships" i dont know. i like friends. but the overuse of that word is bad. makes me angry. cracked and destroyed my phone yesterday. yep im a retard. i guess thats what you get with 3 hours of sleep. but colleens coming to NH with me this thursday. a vacation of sorts. i dont want to beleive that i need one. But i guess that i do...
well im going to attempt to make plans. and most likely fail. but its ok. at least I'm trying right? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 11th, 2005|11:34 am] |
well i had written a much longer entry. but im still getting the hang of this thing. first day on the livejournal and so far so good.
to sum up what im feeling right now i will list things that are happening:
1. a lot of my friends are making me angry
2. one of my best friends colleen returned from camp and shes coming over soon
3. im not angry with her
4. im the happiest i have been in a long time
5. im working some things out
6. im really tired and didnt really sleep. but im not disturbed or in thought.
7. i miss this kid. you know?
8. for one time in forever, i think everything will be just fine. |
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